Prologue: Don't Be Regret, You'll Earn It Even Better

It's been a hiatus for 2 months, gee where have I been? I'm almost forget that I have a blog the one I shared with. Do you guys asking why I left this blog too long? It's been a hectic at my campus, and my social life. I've been enjoying this season, good things come to me. I didn't thought that life is this easy without my close friends. For a prologue, I'm studying in International Relations, and taking international class program (IPIREL). I love all the international things, and my friends, they are also cool!
It's good to be here. Many chances we can take, especially to go abroad, to see the foreigners, be friends with them. I really want to do that since a long time. But, once I tried to enroll it last semester, I was rejected, even two times, and my friends were accepted. They both now leave me, and go to their destined country to take an Exchange Program for a semester. I was really upset of myself that time..
I imagined how can I live my life at campus without them, my close friends, though many good friends here but still they are not that close to me. Anyway, my life seems happier without them. Oh no, no, I mean, I can still adapt with the others, enjoy many things here. Interact better, adapt better. Laugh, kidding. I never imagined that way since I was the one that hard to easily adapt with other, and tend to always be in my comfort zone, always be with my close friends.
But now I can stand alone. I can do anything I want without surrounded by my close friends. This time I think that I am getting better, resolving my number one problem: can't stand alone. I feel like no one can let me down. It's the one that motivate me, to be the person that is better. It's me, myself that changes me.
It's yourself who will change you. After that, you will find it easier, your life. You don't have to desperately regret on your failure. Just focus on how you can face a life differently, and just relax. That's what I've done. I've never look back to my failure, I was happy that my friends got that chance, and I'm just regret how I can't do the same. They are great. But it's not that I have to give up. I never stop trying instead. Then I promised myself to not focus on my regret, but just to enjoy my life better, and the problem unconsciously will be solved.
This season, I got that chance even easier. I still can't believe that I've done that. Remember the word that Allah always hears your prayers, when you failed, He will change it with the better one and I believe that. Alhamdulillah for this. I feel this time is my best moment of life that I can solve a little problem that comes to me. So, for you who don't belive you can do or you've failed doing a thing, just don't be regret. Try to focus on making yourself better in any sides, not to focus to chase the things you want. Because if you only focus on that things, you will never change yourself to be the better one. Then, you might failed again :)

Holiday Is Almost Over

Holiday is almost over, and my mission is a half completed. I'm rather disappointed since I know I could at least running my mission 3/4 completed. However, a half is quite good, it's also a progress, though. I'm also running a project as you know it's a confidential project as I never told you through this blog, but I promise to you all that I can publish it after I can do a little progress of it (and you might be surprised!). Well, it's a really quick post because actually I don't have any preparation to make this post in a good way, but recently I've been attended my cousin's wedding (and I'm so happy of him because it's been around 8 years since he and his girl have a relationship, wish I could reach that too). It was kinda busy because as a family we should also help a 'behind the scene' of the event and it was really tiring. Hahaha. I couldn't believe it that I was also involved there though not really much (it makes me realize that I'm growing and soon to be an adult person) And know that some of my families have been teasing me about how and when I can get married too like my cousin and who's the lucky person will be a husband to me and bla bla bla and it makes me thinking of it, that someday I will be a bride....maybe around 5-6 years later. Well, everyone may put a target on how and when or what's gonna happen next in our life, but it still God who can only decide..Okay, peeps, I've been in front of my laptop since I woke up until now (and it's serious). It's time to stretch up my body (a.k.a sleep). Time to go bed and to dream. Psst, I'm about to go back Jogja in this Friday! I'm really miss my dorm.......Psst, I've been also updating my blog layout and it looks kinda neat ;)

What's Gonna Be Good?

I'm just feeling sooo lazy now. Well, accompanied by John Mayer's song as always and well actually I'm at home. FINALLYY!!! Hahaha. I've been home since last Sunday and I was riding a motorcycle alone from Yogyakarta. It took around 3 hours to my home. And everybodies seem so surprised why I am so brave to ride alone. Perhaps, they just belittled me because I'm so thiin slim :p.
I'm home. However, it doesn't mean I'm free of assignment. There's still a paper waiting for submission in this Saturday. Oh God, but I feel like I don't wanna start it all. Right, it was just a "home syndrome" it means when we've got home, we seem don't wanna do anything such an assignment. Well, God, don't let me do that, God.
Yesterday, SNMPTN 2014 was announced and I found so many "happy twitter" from my younger classes in High School. So proud of them, though :) However, this thing can take me back around a year ago. Yaa right, as I've ever told you before that I wasn't accepted :) After a year that thing go, I began to thing, that was many factors that caused me wasn't accepted. First, I used to be a Science student, not a Social. While my obsessed major was International Relations where it's a high level of Social student choice, actually. I used to love IRs when I was still at the 11th grade of High School, even before our friends were thinking hard about what major we're going to choose, even they weren't thinking yet.
Second, I've chosen a faar farr away university that actually that university doesn't count our school at all. I used to school at the best High School in town. Where some great University were counting us as one of the best school. As a proof, there are many of my elder class were accepted in State University with a countable major, a great major, a good major. But, at that time I didn't think about that actually. I was just follow my ambition. Wish my brother and sister don't follow my mistake :"
Third, I was blind. Yess, blind. At the SNMPTN year 2013, every student were allowed to choose 4 majors in 2 universities with requirements we choose one University which the location is in the same province as where we live. Except, when we only choose one major, and one University, it's allowed to choose wherever, without any requirement. And, that's what I do.
Well, so many mistake I did a year a go. Of course, it remains a regret. So much regret. However, now I feel I've got a better place :) As I'm now studying in a private University, not in a state University, but what's the problem? It was just a tinny separator, only by its status, private or state? And some people in this country are thinking, State always better than Private. And if we see the fact, it wasn't proven. There's not always everything good inside state University, and there not always bad in Private University. It depends on ourselves and the major we choose. If we can do that well, we can be better than those states college. Who knows? ;)

Finally, I Got What I Need

Hi! This is about the future again and I guess I got the answer. Like I said, "always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do". Even if we don't get what we look for, at least we learn something new in our life. There's nothing wrong with challenging ourselves anyway.

I may not get what I want, but I got what I need. At least the dream just misses a bit. And I'm still really grateful for what I got!

Now, I'm preparing myself for the new phase of my life. I know it's gonna be totally new. Living alone, away from my parents to chase my dreams. Do everything by myself, handle things by myself. I can't even imagine that. Can I do all that?

So, here I am, still confused, still kinda unready to face the life ahead, but I'm excited! Really I am! I know there might be many bumpy roads ahead of me, but I can't wait for it. I know, the next life will give me a lot of new things. I'll be getting new things, I'll experience new things which I wish can make me a better person.

I just wish, everything will be alright. And I still be good.

I'm Not Restless

 It's like punching me to the max when I've got such different recommendations and arguments, even judgments. However, I'm gonna always stick to my plan. Even I might pass that if I lower the standard.

I don't know what happens to me. I don't know about me. Why do I just too optimistic? Am I blinded? Do I really believe in fortune? Since I know, I can make my own fortune by doing good things to people around us.

I love it though I know it's really hard. People have the different perspective, and it makes me confuse. Is that what I've chosen is right? I know I'm too ambitious. I am. But I didn't consider other things. I'm just consistent with no reason. I just love it.

But still, I'm not gonna restless. I choose this and only this. Period.

Too high? I know. But we'd better try than we give up before the match. There nothing wrong with trying. What else we do on this earth if not trying? And if we failed, at least we've tried and our question is answered.

Am I Too Confident?

It's not that I'm overconfident to choose that, but..it's kinda hard to say. Perhaps, I'm just too in love with that thing until I can't opt for another thing. Or am I just too consistent? I just don't care what others choose and what the crowd is saying.

I realized that it might be really difficult. Perhaps, they think I dream too high. Anyway, I just wanna challenge myself. I know it's not easy, but I'll never know if I never try. I'm actually afraid. I know there might be the easier way, but I choose the harder. How crazy it sounds? However, I don't know, I just believe that the fortune will come to me.

I might be dreaming about the things that might be too hard to reach, and you probably think that. But I believe in myself even there are bad talks surround me. I convinced myself cause my friend also said that "you can't be successful if you don't believe in yourself. Success starts with our confidence".

I might stick with the early decision that's not strong enough. I'm consistent. I also believe, success also starts from a thousand failure. So, that's okay. If it fails, I will try again.

I hear every judgment, every advice, which not sometimes makes me think again. Can I? Can I get that? Or will I be a loser?

I realized it's really 'high-level' and I'm clearly none. I might be just too ambitious. Or too optimistic. Honestly, I'm prepared for the possible things that might happen.

I know I may fail. Or everybody knew it that I will fail. But, at least, if I fly the hopes higher, it will fall not too down low.

F.U.T.U.R.E.

Have you ever question yourself what will you be in the future? Have you ever worried about it? Well, today is my turn. I mean, I'm worried now. I am now a Senior High and I don't know what to do after this. Still blank. I know, Senior High time is the worst version of me (I hope it won't worsen in the future, so I dare say, this is the worst of me).

We will age, every year our age is plus one. It's not a choice, it just happens that way. Everybody will. But, being grown up is a choice. Not everyone will. I know I'm still really young and there will be a lot of things ahead of my life. I realized that I can't be such a childish no more, even if I'm still young. I still have to think about my future: what will I be in the future?

Life is not just live and die. There are so much more than that, you know right? Even if I'm still almost-17-years-old, I think a thought about future is really necessary. We can't be just having fun all day! If we do that, then we will forget to catch the future. Well, at least I'm thinking 'what will I be in the future' rather than not think about it at all.

At least, I don't waste my time, living in the present without thinking of the future.

I hope we can fight for the future!