Dear Universe

Oh God, let me be happy in my own way
Let me prove, I am not that insane
We are not insane...
Why do people always over generalised?

Oh God, let me be happy even they don't keep me company
Let me prove, we are all the same
The faith that makes different
But it doesn't mean that we can't be friend

Oh God, let me wish for me, myself
Give me all the good
Give me strong
Give me strong
Give me strong

Let me through all this
Let me survive from this
Let me happy in my own way
Let me happy in my own way
Let me happy in my own way
And let them know your merci

Life's hard? You've Gotta Through That, tho

It's been years since I was graduated from High School, the most beautiful part of life (most people say). It might be right, cause it was the time you'll never experience again, it's a different situation than the other time. Indeed. However, it's not always be as good as they say. I mean, life's not always be straight as you might see in your dream, and if it's dream, you gotta wake up, dude! It's not happening for a long time, though.

It's not that I've got bullied or something so sad. Haha. It's not that sad. It's just about how we face life with each different perspective in people's mind. Some people may always get lucky, surrounded by cool people, good life, much money, existence, and so on and so forth. That you may realize all they do is for something.....well, wait, for what? To get a sympathy? To be known as good people? To deserve all that things? Or to gain an imaging?

I really don't understand with people nowadays, especially, for people around me. They will do everything to get some "imaging" to other people to be "looked good" but basically not. It's kinda like force something they can't really do. It seems like, it makes me think, "it's not really you". People fake something to gain "something more", basically.

Indeed, people have each purposes in life, until you might find your friends come to you to get only benefits from you, not to be your "true" friend. It becomes sooo many people like this today. Well, I don't know why. Why could people change this fast? Somehow, people get this wrong, people now can easily fake it. You can pretend to be a good friend while actually you're not. And it happens to me. The word "best friends" is not that easy to determine. It's not like, we like same thing, or we came from same class, we often hang out together, then simply called as best friends.

Best friends are much more than that. For me, to be a best friend for your friends is hard. You gotta know your friends deeper, you got to be there if your friends need you, and it's not about you give, and they only take, It's not like zero sum game or something, but it's a give-give relation, because we need each other, and we gotta help each other. Not that easy, when we can easily forget that, never meet a long time, and we pretend to care. Best friends aren't that simple. It's not about pretending to be like.

So, is it wrong to stay away from friends that in fact they pretend to know us acting like good in front, while it's gossiping around behind? I think it's better to stay away, rather than to fake myself. It doesn't mean like we cut the relations as friend, we only need to keep the distance away and not too close. I mean, not pretending to close, while we are not. If you agree, you might get it right, but this post doesn't create to make a controversy. I'm just giving my opinion, you may have your own perspective anyway :)

Thanks for reading my post...

Random Thoughts and Ramadhan Greeting

Hi!! Happy Ramadhan for all Muslims in the entire world! The holy month is starting again and let's do something more benefit to ourselves and people surrounding us.

This ramadhan is different for me since it's my first time have my first fasting day in my dorm. Yaa, it's my second year at college, but last year I have my Ramadhan surrounding by my family since the lectures had done and Ramadhan begins at the holiday. But this semester is not, I have to have Ramadhan in my dorm with the others until my exams done. However, it's not that bad, there are still friends who also live in dorm and do fasting without family. It's a new experience, tho. I enjoy this, but still, I wanna soon to go home.

BTW, my exam will begin next week for two weeks, and the assignments are waiting to be done. It's kinda busy week, not only for this week but since the first June, I feel like I have limited time, that's why I couldn't update my blog post often. But, indeed, it's fun! I'm not a typical busy person, and I didn't join any organization. But, join committee is indeed so fun! I have new friends, and new experiences of course, and without stick to a thing and have a responsibility for too long in a period.

To look for experiences, we don't have to join organization, but doesn't mean we become a passive student. When you stick into your passiveness or still hold onto your independence, what you'll get is nothing. So, even if you don't like to be a busy person or stick to an organization, join committee might be a good choice. I've just barely realized it since I join some committees, I feel almost no negative effect after this, instead I get lotsssa benefits.

So, since we're still young, experiences are good to fulfill our boring life, to live a better life and to get you more professional and get you more capable. Once again, happy fasting! This Ramadhan will be benefit and enjoyable if you say so.

What's My Age Again?

First of all, thanks Allah, for giving me such a wonderful time, though I've spent the whole day alone. However, in this day, I've been given lotsa lotsa surprises, greetings, prays, and wishes. I couldn't say much, only a speechless. I couldn't express more. Although almost all the things my friends gave to me through the distances, but good things always dismiss it.

Now I'm turning 20! They may say 20 is still a young, but some people claim I'm getting old. Yupp, indeed, every people will get old as you may pass life and as you can see yourself turn into it. 20 isn't a young for me, it's a new life. A new beginning of the true life, perhaps. There'll be a lot of things change, either my thoughts, my life, or things around me. In this decade, sure I'm gonna take a scholarship (aamiin), graduate, being a worker, married, get my children around me, and so on and so on.

In this 20s, I have to be wiser to do things. Choose what's important for my life, like choosing the right answer in my answer sheet in the exams. As we may through, it couldn't be right at all, cause we know, there's no perfect person. And life might not be going straight as always. As people say, we may through the bump roads. However, we have to keep trying to pass it.
I'm a kinda person who has a lot of dream that I want to make it real. I think, nobody does but there's also no less people have a same mind as me. No matter how hard it is, if I would, I thing I could. Well, in this 20, I wish all my dreams will begin to real, at least, start to be real. And I believe, that nothing's impossible as long as we try. 20 is to gain a new experiences, and prepare to the next adventures. Once again thanks to all people who wish me to be good, and better. I'll love you and wish all the good prays also will back to you :)

Dorm Alone (What to Do?)

You must be done reading my previous post that my holiday would end. Well, actually, it's right that the holiday has just ended on Sept 8, however we've received a news said that the lectures will be started at 15 Sept. I got Monday and Tuesday free for this semester, so I'm gonna start the 3rd semester on Wednesday 17th. So we can call it as an extended holiday. Absolutely, boring. I've been through 2 months of semester holiday, including Ramadhan and Eid Fitr holiday and it's reallyyy, kinda long. Oh no, not a kinda long. It's indeed really long. Don't know what to do with this 'extended holiday' which makes my day free (again) for more than a week. I asked my friend to make a journey to explore the beautifulness of Yogyakarta, however, they don't really serious to make it deal. I know my house is not really far from Jogja, cause it only takes 3 or 4 hours, but I feel like I don't wanna go home because it will make me less productive. Only watch a tv, or play internet, sleep, eating, and go bed again. You also already know that I have a mission I've planned, currently I'm gonna process it in Jogja, however the things are left in my house. What so pity I am.

Then, I began to think, what should I do? I look around my dorm, and I've got an idea! It also can help you when you've got yourself at dorm alone. So, let's take a look at these:

• Learn New Language

Learn a new language is always fun! Yes, it is. I've posted the things I wanted to do, learning deutsch. To be (really) honest, yes indeed I've learned this language and  got some materials to be learned. However, it only took few days, and after it I didn't continue anymore. So, I haven't done it, I know it was a foreign language I've learn since I was High School, however, I really suck in it. Means I don't fluent in Deutsch, my German is really bad. And by this boredom, I'm gonna (seriously) learn this again. For you, who want to learn foreign language from a really basic skill, Duolingo is a good app to learn. You can download it on Play Store/App Store, also if you prefer with laptop/pc, you can just simply click https://www.duolingo.com/. Unfortunately, it only provides 8 foreign language (Spanish, Danish, Irish, French, Italian, German, Portuguese, Dutch), but all those eight language is worth to learn.

• Crafting!

This is one of the things I like to do. I can't stop decorating my dorm and I always look for some ideas that can make my dorm full of crafts and DIY things. I really like to customize thing around me :p This may be a hobby and one thing that can make me happy since I know I'm a moody person and easy to feel bored and because crafting is indeed fun! It makes our creativity increase as you know also it can balance our brain.You can start to be an itchy-hand person by look at this website: http://www.papeldelarte.com. It seems like a heaven for a crafty person, especially for women who (naturally we know) love ever cute things.

• Make A Simple Sketch of Clothes/Outfits

 You can only prepare three things to do this,

1. Sticky Notes
2. Pencil
3. Your Taste of Fashion. B)

And then, let's start! Open your brain or look at the references you have. You may take a look at some blog of fashions, through online clothing stores, magazines, or instagram. Or maybe your own imagination and you can make an invention of fashion. Most of girls in this world (at least, ever dream about) want to be a fashion designer, and as a girl, outfit is one of the most important thing you could deal with. When you are in alone in dorm, this activity may fill your loneliness, it can be a reference for you when you someday want to go out with friends or your boyfie, or just start to be a fashion designer.

There are a lot of things you may do to take your boredom away instead of go out with your friends or take another vacations. It can increase your skill or your ability to do something. There are alot of benefits also. When you try to learn a new foreign language, for instance. You can add your confidence in speaking with people or just share to friends the skill you've just got and to teach them. Or you may decorate your room to heal your boredom and when you look around your dorm you feel like happy...it's my own heaven! It's fun when you can make it all enjoy, so let's just try!

Holiday Is Almost Over

Holiday is almost over, and my mission is a half completed. I'm rather disappointed since I know I could at least running my mission 3/4 completed. However, a half is quite good, it's also a progress, though. I'm also running a project as you know it's a confidential project as I never told you through this blog, but I promise to you all that I can publish it after I can do a little progress of it (and you might be surprised!). Well, it's a really quick post because actually I don't have any preparation to make this post in a good way, but recently I've been attended my cousin's wedding (and I'm so happy of him because it's been around 8 years since he and his girl have a relationship, wish I could reach that too). It was kinda busy because as a family we should also help a 'behind the scene' of the event and it was really tiring. Hahaha. I couldn't believe it that I was also involved there though not really much (it makes me realize that I'm growing and soon to be an adult person) And know that some of my families have been teasing me about how and when I can get married too like my cousin and who's the lucky person will be a husband to me and bla bla bla and it makes me thinking of it, that someday I will be a bride....maybe around 5-6 years later. Well, everyone may put a target on how and when or what's gonna happen next in our life, but it still God who can only decide..Okay, peeps, I've been in front of my laptop since I woke up until now (and it's serious). It's time to stretch up my body (a.k.a sleep). Time to go bed and to dream. Psst, I'm about to go back Jogja in this Friday! I'm really miss my dorm.......Psst, I've been also updating my blog layout and it looks kinda neat ;)

Keeping Each Other's Feeling is Important

Being a college student --believe or not--can change some kind of things in your life even your personality. It basically based on what's your mind expected. If we decide to be a better person, God will hear and you will try to become a better person. However, if you don't decide to be better, you won't try to be better. You will be the same, and when you tired to be the same person, a negative thought can come to your mind. You might be lazier if previously you are a lazy person, for instance. And what you receive will never become better, even it can be worse.

It is true that I live in a different place with a different behaviour. Live alone (pretend it) because my University is out of the hometown. No parents control me, no rules, and every decision is taking by myself, also for me. I am now required to be more mature in order to face a life ahead. Hence, later I'll be having another life where my parents will see me and smile and they heart is saying "We succeed to teach you".

There are many things I like to be living alone. The first thing is I can decorate my room whatever I want to decorate. Second, I can wake up really late without my parents mad to me hehehe. I love spend my whole time in my dorm room. I don't really like to hang out, I like hang out basically but not too much. I also don't have much time to do such a hang out, because semester 2 was a full-task lecture. However, I still can spend my time with campus friends or dorm friends. Although, not every person around me have the same thought with me.

I've learned that every people are different. We can not fully understand what is in their mind. Sometimes, what we mean is not what they mean. We want something new and they don't. In this broad world, we meet every people with each different principle. Sometimes, I don't even accept what they had done to me, even sometimes, they're just kidding me.

As 19 years I'm living in this world, I still couldn't understand enough of what particularly happen. Sometimes, friends come, then go. Only time knows and filters good friends around us. As the time goes on also, we begin to know which one is a true friend, which one is only come when they need. I know that basically, every people need others to help. However, in some cases, people do not understand for what they should act good to other people. I think, it's not only to attract others so that others can be willing to help. There are muchhhh things we should understand instead of taking advantage only.

Once again, I've learned that every person is different, they have different characters, sometimes can be good, even they can be bad. If you are sensitive enough, don't be naive, you also ever talking about your friends behind them, right? I'm also, but I'm keeping myself to not do that anymore because all what we've done will reflect to us, will come back to us. It's like when you see yourself in the mirror, when you berate in front of the mirror, you will see your reflection also berate you. It also happens when you're talking bad about your friends, you'll be receiving the same act from others. What you've done, will be reflected to you.

I'm a kind of a "cool" person. If anyone talk bad about me, I seem I never care. I don't know why I become a not sensitive person like this. However, being non-sensitive can give advantage to me because I never think a small problem hardly..........

Basically, a good friend will never talk you badly behind. They know that every person is imperfect, and every kind of people have done a mistake. Whatever how bad you are, true friends will understand you. Even true friends will give an understanding in order to make you a better person. They will notify you, when you did a mistake. They will cry when you cry instead of smile when you cry. However, sometimes we couldn't accept the advices they give to us, or simply sometime those advices seem patronize us.

Because regarding to the difference of each person's characteristic, advice should contains a good words, it should relieve our heart not even make us thinking that those advice is useless. Sometimes, I feel that too. Even when I was just kidding of a thing, there's person responded it seriously and give such an advice that I think it was too much. 'I shouldn't be given an advice', I think arrogantly. And after it all done, it makes me understand that not every mistake of a person we should reveal, because we should keep each other's feeling. At least, we should tell the advice in a good way, so person can respon it positively.

To be honest, if a person hurt me, I will really hate her/him really much and it's hard to erase my hatred. Whatever it is, they hurt me with a word, or their attitude. Even I've tried to erase, and I said to my heart to stop hate that person, it couldn't even be erased. And yes, maybe because I'm indeed a stubborn person.
Every people are different, indeed. Sometimes it's hard to understand why our thoughts are different, our decision are opposite. I'm a kind of person who is really deeply thinking why every people have to respect each other. I don't know why I become really sensitive of people that have hurted me. I used to try to overcome this, but it still. If somebody hurt me with their words, and their words can really hurt me, I don't know why I will never respect that person again. It's like, I've tried to stop my hatred, but it always comes and always. Even I don't wanna see that person's face. Those seem so cruel, and indeed. That's why keeping each other's feeling is really important for me. No matter how close we are, it's important that we have to respect each other. Being a good person is never become annoying, and a good person is the one who can control their words.

The Matter of Time

I'm on holiday!! And well finally my final exam of second semester has done on last 27 June and at that date also was the day where I should pick him at the airport!!!! Akkkkkk finally I can meet again ha ha ha *ignore. He never had a holiday actually, but he forced himself to go home and as can as possible, he should be home at the first day of ramadhan. And today, is the day where people should enjoy their first fasting. Let me throwback at two days ago...

Two days ago were a really really short day for me. I was through the whole day with him. At the night, 27 June where I've picked him and enjoyed until midnight to just share a thing and eat. Then, in the morning I've left my dorm to accompany him went around looked for things until afternoon, then we went to our own hometown. I went to my house, he went to his own house.

It was a short day, however actually we've spent so many times together. There were places I wanted to go with him, until it weren't accomplished because of the matter of time. I'm sure, LDR actors are feeling the same with me. Many times, places we've dreamed to go with him, unfortunately it can't be fulfilled easily. If only I could say, may I turn to the days back to the time where I and him in the same city? Then we can never think hard to decide when we should met :')

However, I'm still enjoying my holiday although it's not without him, but I'm with my family now. I can laugh loudly here, and it seems like an eternal happiness where we can laugh together, laugh a thing that actually it wasn't important, but we've shared a happiness. The happiness that we've never fould out there. We only can see here.

I also realized after I live alone to finish my study. How they are really important to me. I'm not a kind of person who can be easily homesick, miss them and really wanna go home. I actually can live here alone, can be independently doing everything alone also. I'm not afraid, if there I'm not with my dad or mother, then I couldn't catch a thing.

I have about two months of holiday and it's the time to run my mission. I have sooo many mission that I believe it can make my long holiday become not monotone. So, my holiday will not be monotone :D

F.U.T.U.R.E.

Have you ever question yourself what will you be in the future? Have you ever worried about it? Well, today is my turn. I mean, I'm worried now. I am now a Senior High and I don't know what to do after this. Still blank. I know, Senior High time is the worst version of me (I hope it won't worsen in the future, so I dare say, this is the worst of me).

We will age, every year our age is plus one. It's not a choice, it just happens that way. Everybody will. But, being grown up is a choice. Not everyone will. I know I'm still really young and there will be a lot of things ahead of my life. I realized that I can't be such a childish no more, even if I'm still young. I still have to think about my future: what will I be in the future?

Life is not just live and die. There are so much more than that, you know right? Even if I'm still almost-17-years-old, I think a thought about future is really necessary. We can't be just having fun all day! If we do that, then we will forget to catch the future. Well, at least I'm thinking 'what will I be in the future' rather than not think about it at all.

At least, I don't waste my time, living in the present without thinking of the future.

I hope we can fight for the future!